Yesterday Sam and I had to run into Littleton to pick up my car from the shop. It took us a little over an hour. The kids were given the assignment of getting all of their jobs done so that we could leave as soon as we got home to go to Aurora Resivore for a family BBQ and a day of fun playing on the beach. As soon as Sam and I got home we left. There was no mention at that time of what went down while we were gone. Which is probably for the best.
We went to the Resivore and had a great time playing in the sand and water and visiting with Sam's aunt and uncle and some of his cousins. We come home and relaxed and then some how at bed time bits and pieces of a very interesting story stared to surface.
The action packed story included chases and slammed doors and shoes being thrown and light bulbs being shattered and clocks being knocked off of tables and hitting and yelling and faces being scratched.
The stars of this action adventure were Nate and Bryce with special apperiences by Abby and McKay. How Gracie managed to avoid all of the excitement, I'll never know. I understand that most of this is normal sibling behavior. I remember have knock down, drag out fights with my brothers when our parents were away, but it's still not acceptable.
Abby's role in the morning's activities got her a firm talking to. McKay earned himself 2 days of no iPad. Some of Nate and Bryce's consequences are still being thought through. However, fase one is currently taking place. Last night we talked about several things, including some of the responsibilities that Nate and Bryce have as big brothers, members of this family and young priesthood holders. The three responsibilities that I came up with off of the top of my head were: 1. Being good examples. 2. Helping to bring peace into our home. 3. Protecting each other and the other members of their family. Right now they have the assignment of writing a 5 paragraph report on what those responsibilities mean to them and what things they should be doing to fufill those responsibilities. Later tonight they will present their reports to the family.
The longer I'm a parent, the more clear it becomes that I know nothing about being a parent. I have no answers, zero, none! All I can do is pray for devine guidance, and then cross my fingers and hope for the best.
Last night was rough. The kids lost a lot of trust. There are times that I need to leave them on their own for a bit so that I can take care of other responsibilities, and after yesterday I'm afraid to do it again anytime soon. It's frustering to really feel like you are doing your very best as a parent and then to see that it's just not good enough. Bla, bla, bla.
Anyway, I'm not ready be done with Nate's and Bryce's punishments/lessons. So if you have any creative suggestions, feel free to share. I've already thought of knocking their heads together, and decided against it. I'm trying to stick with nonviolent consequences, even though some of them sound very appealing.
2 comments:
This makes me think of the relief society lesson we had a couple weeks ago. It was a teaching of our time lesson based on a talk from this last conference (the name escapes me right now, of course!) Anyway, the general authority shared a story about how his daughter wanted to play a soccer game on sunday, so he and his wife decided to share a few scriptures with their daughter, pray with her, and then let her make the final decision herself about whether or not to play on sunday. She chose to play! The general authority and his wife felt like they had failed as parents as they watched their kid make the wrong choice, when the right choice was so obvious...especially after all the counsel they gave her to help her with her decision. In the end, though, the daughter learned more from the consequenses of her bad choice than she would have learned if they'd forced her into making the right choice.
I guess my point is that it sucks when kids do bad things...especially when they all do bad things at the same time. But just remember that their choices aren't always a test of whether or not you are a good parent. We have to let our kids make mistakes and just sit back and watch sometimes, so they can have the opportunity while they are they are still young that bad behavior/decisions bring bad consequences, disturb the harmony in our home, and drive the spirit away. The fact that you guys followed up with consequenses and talked to the kids about what happened makes you a good parent...even if it would be more fun to spank the crap out of them and send them off to their rooms for a year. I think you're doing a great job, and anyone who wants to judge should just go read that conference talk and be reminded that kids have agency, too.
PS--I hope tomorrow is better.
oh, and one consequence that is working well in our house right now, is when someone hurts someone else or takes away from the peace in our home, they need to spend a certain amount of time doing a service that will restore peace. This might mean reading to a younger sibling for 15 minutes, making someone's bed, folding a siblings' laundry, or cleaning up another person's mess for them. Usually the act of service provides enough justice to keep both parties happy and getting along, and the best part is that chores get done in disguise in the process. :)
I like the consequence you mentioned. They definitely need to spend more time serving each other. It's actually something that they both mentioned in the report also. I think I will implement a plan for more service starting tomorrow.
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