guilt and gratitude

I'm feeling like after last nights post, that may have sounded a lot like complaining and may have included a threat of violence, I need to add some balance by posting something positive. Leah did lots of rolling over yesterday. She did it as though she has always been able to do it and just hasn't been given the chance. She claps her hands a lot (when she's not crying), and loves to see herself in the mirror. She likes listening to music on my iPhone but she wants to hold the phone while she listens and more often than not she drops it on her face. I love having a baby in our house again even when I feel like my brain is being liquefied.
Thank you to my friends who offered encouragement/empathy and to my local friends who offered help. I might take you up on it. Today is our ward Temple Commitment Day, which means that we have been asked to spend as much time as we can today serving in the Temple. It couldn't have come at a better time, not that I couldn't go to the Temple any time. I'm looking forward to spending some time there (read: time away from my children) and hopefully gaining that ounce of peace that may be the difference between me surviving this day or not. Today will be a better day!

Random Stuff

McKay just climbed in my bed and fell back to sleep. He started talking in his sleep. He just said "I'll see if Mrs. Davis has it." (That's his Kindergarten teacher). He's so sweet.

Yesterday while Leah was crying Gracie picked her up and in her sweetest voice said to Leah, " Leah, you are really disappointing your mother. After 9 long months she doesn't deserve this from you."

I've noticed that when Sam isn't really listening to me, a lot of times he will respond by saying "You're cute". On Sunday we were both sitting in our bed and I was nursing Leah. I commented that I really needed to go to the bathroom and it wasn't helping to have a baby laying across my bladder. He's response, "You're cute." Ummm, yeah I know I am, but I don't know what that has to do with my bladder.

Speaking of Sam, he was just called to be the Elders Quorum president in our ward. He will be great at it!

I think that's it for now. Abby took Leah downstairs and I have about an hour and a half before I need to get ready for the Temple so I'm going to crawl back under my covers and pray for sleep.

confessions of a tired mommy

This post is going to sound a lot like complaining, but I want to make it clear that I am not in fact complaining, I am simply statin' the facts ma'am. I am TIRED. Every inch of my body is crying out for peace and quite and just a little bit of rest, thank you very much. My baby has been crying for...I don't know, about...three weeks now. I hold her, I rock her, I feed her and she cries and cries and cries. I'm hoping that any minute now a couple of teeth with pop through her little gums and explain all of the crying but as of this moment I truly have no idea what is the matter with her little self. I feel awful for her and would, and have been doing anything and everything in my power to comfort her. But I am spent! Physically. Emotionally. The sound of her crying feels like it is coming from the inside of my head. It's as though my brain has been put into a blender and is currently being made into a smoothie. I can barely string two words together. The situation is leaving me with little no patients for anything or anyone else.
If it weren't for large amounts of Dr. Pepper, donuts, and chocolate today I may not have survived. If the crying doesn't stop soon I'm going to have to buy all new fatter fat clothes.
I'm not looking for advice. I may be looking for sympathy, but if you judge me I will choke you.