Pregnancy can make me a little extra crazy. Sometimes I wonder if it's the normal kind of crazy that every one is going to say "oh ya, I felt that way when I was pregnant too" or if it's the "Men in white lab coats are going to show up at my home with a straight jacket and haul me away to the loonie bin" kind of crazy. When I'm pregnant my anxiety is... a little elevated, and I experience extra doses of paranoia. Like when Sam was out of town and about 80% of my brain was about 99% sure that we were all going to be killed in our sleep, either by the murderer that snuck into the house earlier that day or by carbon monoxide poisoning, because we hadn't changed the filter in our furnace in who knows how long. Somehow the 20% of my brain that was still somewhat rational won out and I was able to fall to sleep. By some miracle we all woke up alive the next morning. As soon as Sam got back home we changed the filter and bought 3 carbon monoxide detectors (one for each floor of the house). And I have started locking the doors to the house more often during the day. Of course those are good things, I just wish that they didn't come about due to my panic.
Before my ultrasound last week I was having moments of being mostly convinced that I was going to go to my ultrasound appointment and be laying on the ultrasound table with all of my kids around me excited to see the baby and instead of finding out the gender we would find that there was no heart beat. Maybe it's because while we were in Texas we spent a day at NASA, but I kept imagining the phrase "Huston we have a problem". Then I would imagine the pain of all we would have to go through following that news. Now that we have had the ultrasound and everything is perfectly fine I have moved on to the next possible horror. Last night I became so worried that I was going to me murdered and my baby stolen that I was in tears. Poor Sam, I don't know how he deals with me. I know part of it is that I stayed up too late and I was exhausted, but still. Now today, I'm more rested and for the moment more rational and I wonder, what in the world was wrong with me last night?, but last night it made perfect sense that I would be freaking out over something like that.
Okay, this is the part where you tell me that this is all totally normal and I probably don't need to check myself into the psych ward,.... or that I'm crazy and I should seek help. What ever.
2 comments:
You're normal, or maybe we both should be checked in.
Sounds normal to mee too. Or, I bet we could get a group discount. ;)
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